Quotes by Mitch Hedberg

If you find yourself lost in the woods, fuck it! Build a house. "Well, I was lost, but now I live here. I have severely improved my predicament.

I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later.

I'm gonna fix that last joke by taking out all the words and adding new ones.

Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!

I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it.